how to REALLY be a high value woman | high value traits, what to avoid & femininity tips
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No, no, no, no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You need to be inspired by the fear of being average because that is what this article is all about: high-value women, low-value women. It's a whole trend on social media. Some people hate it, some people love it, and a lot of people don't know what the hell it means to be a high-value woman. So, of course, I'm gonna break it down for you.
First and foremost, society has conditioned us into constantly living in a low vibrational state. They have normalized behaviors that are so bad for us and literally stunt our self-development. Learning how to control your thoughts and emotions so that you can maximize your productivity and energy? That's too much hard work. Selena and Haley are having a huge fight? Let's hop on that bandwagon, read up on everything everyone's saying on social media, comment negativity on all of the videos, and spread this to all of our friends so that we have something to gossip about. That's a great way to live, right?
And that's the thing. The media pushes out this content and normalizes low vibrational behaviors so that you feel comfortable fitting in with the majority. Being a high-value woman is about separating yourself from the majority and adopting new ways of thinking and new habits to separate yourself from the rest. Consider this article your ultimate guide on what being a high-value woman means, how to become one, and how to live that lifestyle.
Chapter One: Explaining what being a high-value woman means and tackling all of the misconceptions around it. First and foremost, the entire concept of being a high-value person, woman, whatever, is not made to put people down. I am not saying that you are low value or that you are not good enough. I am saying that you are doing a disservice to yourself. I'm here to help you flourish and become the best version of yourself so that you can bring more value into your own life. And that's what this concept is all about. This is not about how other people perceive you. This is not about becoming more desirable to men. This is about leveling up in all areas of your life: your work, your self-concept, your friendships, your relationships, your mind, your goals, and having balance in all of these so that you can be abundant physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
And you know what? Let's just scrap the whole high-value woman thing for a second. Let's just talk about what a high-value person in general looks like. Because the overarching meaning of all of this is a person who is self-sufficient, a person who commits to the act of constantly improving themselves and their life. These people have no desire to fit in with the majority, sit comfortably, and float through life with low vibrational behaviors. Because that means they also can't step up and provide more value to other people because they haven't become their best versions. Yeah, it's truly also about making sure that your cup is full so that you can also provide to others.
Okay, being a high-value person isn't about being super selfish and only caring about yourself and becoming better than others. No, because it also takes into consideration up-leveling the quality of your relationships with other people, how you show up for your loved ones. Even a high-value man, let's talk about those traits for a second. Okay, he's emotionally intelligent and emotionally available. Think about that. How rare is that? Extremely. Not a lot of men have that quality, so if a man has put in the time and the work to be able to obtain that skill set of being able to offer that to the loved ones in his life, does that not automatically now make him more desirable and make him stand out from the rest? Sure, and as a result, it transforms the quality of his life. Because once you start obtaining these skill sets, then you can associate yourself with other high-value people.
But before I list all of the traits of a high-value woman, let's debunk some misconceptions real quick because everybody loves to be a hater on the internet, and I am not here for it. Myth number one: So-called high-value women are actually codependent and are only doing this to become more desirable to men. Absolutely not. That is never our goal in becoming a high-value woman. It's only about investing in ourselves and evolving. Better dating experiences just happen as a result.
And myth number two: I haven't been on my self-development journey, and I don't have all of these things figured out. Does that mean that I'm a low-value person? Does that mean you're saying I'm not good enough? No, because just you reading this article, just you searching up advice on the internet or seeing self-development videos online and clicking them because it piqued your interest, and you entertaining the thought of starting your self-growth journey shows your high-value potential. It's okay if you don't have everything figured out. Everybody has a starting point. But just the fact that you are interested in this and you hope to evolve and become a better person is already separating you from 99% of people.
And then, in terms of being classed a low-value person, man, woman, in my opinion, there are only toxic people, the majority, and then high-value people. These high-value women just focus on incorporating new habits that set them apart from the majority. They also focus on healing their traumas so they do not display any more toxic behaviors that hurt other people or even themselves.
Chapter Two: Traits of the high-value woman with examples. When you think about being a high-value woman, I want you to compare it to a luxury handbag. Why does a Chanel classic handbag differ from a very similar handbag that you could pick up at your local shopping center? This bag is harder to obtain, and not everybody has it. It's exclusive. You have to earn it. You have to save up money to be able to purchase this handbag and hold it when you're walking in the street. And you can see a woman carrying a Chanel handbag. What do you think? She's desirable, she's attractive. You're like, wow, I want to be her, I want to have that bag. Then you see the 99% of other women carrying a very basic, similar-looking black bag that they probably got from a store five minutes away, and you wouldn't take a second look, right? That's because exclusivity is desirable, and that's what it means to be a high-value person. Not everybody gets you; therefore, in order to act like a high-value person, you have to treat your time, space, and energy in the same way. People don't get you; they earn you. Being in your space is a privilege. Because when you're just giving things up for free, and when your self-worth is set lower, and you're more affordable for people to walk all over and get what they need from you, your value goes down. And this is all about the practice of being picky with who you associate yourself with so people know that they can't cross your boundaries and they can't walk all over you. And most importantly, they do not automatically get access to you.
Trait number two of a high-value woman is that she is kind and compassionate. I feel like this is very overlooked, and this also links into maturity. Because you will never catch a high-value woman screaming at somebody in the street, acting like a Karen, cursing at people, commenting negative things online, shading people online, causing drama, gossiping, talking behind people's backs. Why? Because that instantly makes you seem unattractive. The only people who like you for doing those things are the majority, and if you want to be high-value, then your priority should never be to be valued by them and to be liked by them because they are in this state of consciousness where they want to be accepted by everybody. So they have grown accustomed to living life in low vibrational behaviors.
And before I go any further with the traits, let me explain to you what these low vibrational behaviors actually mean. Now, with emotions and with energy that we give off, there is a vibrational frequency chart. You have numbers from 20 to 700, 700 being the highest vibrational frequency that you can operate at, 20 being the lowest. Okay, 20 is the emotion of shame. That is the lowest energy that you can be radiating. Underneath 20 is zero, and that's death. In the middle, at 250, we have neutrality. Everything down here is a suffering state of consciousness. Everything above this in the top half is an enlightenment state of consciousness. The higher that you move up the scale of emotion, so when we're reaching the top like joy, peace, love, reason, acceptance, willingness, that's when you start reaching ultimate consciousness. That's when you start getting closer to becoming an enlightened individual.
So let's explain this in simple terms. If you are a high-value woman and you are kind, compassionate, and mature, you go about things with reason. You radiate love. You are always at peace with everything and every situation because no matter what bad thing happens, you are not going to stoop down to that level to argue with the person that's not going to listen to reason, to argue with people online in comment sections. Because at the end of the day, what is that getting for you? What value is that bringing into your life other than it wasting your time, your energy, and then bringing your vibrational frequency from, let's say you were already at peace, and now you've started to engage in negative debates online, and now you are down to anger, to pride, trying to prove your point.
High-value woman trait number three is that she is addicted to her self-development in the best way possible. This is because she knows the secret formula to life, which I love, which is you must stay detached from everything, and the only true thing that you can attach to is yourself. You will only ever have yourself from birth to death. So if you can only be attached to yourself, then of course you're going to obsess with becoming the best version of yourself, and that's exactly how she lives her life every single day. Where am I lacking? What are my weaknesses? How am I now going to build a strategy to fix these so then I can move into the next phase of my life and make bigger moves? Where do I feel uncomfortable? Why am I procrastinating? Let me work on these things so that I can move up the ladder in life because those things are keeping me stagnant. What people or resources can I listen to to elevate the circle that I surround myself with so that I can elevate my mind at the same time? That is her priority every single day. And you know, when you have a mission in mind like that, every single day you wake up with the purpose that today I am going to be even 1% better than I was yesterday. That's all I have to do today. All of the outside noise of the world, all of the drama, the heartbreak, the arguments, the anger, the jealousy, all of that fades away as background noise because now you are tunnel vision on your mission for the day, your purpose. You know where you're going. You have envisioned your dream self, and you're working towards that every single day. And when you are that driven towards that goal, you start naturally fading away from those low vibrational frequencies like guilt and shame and feeling bad about yourself and engaging in toxic conversations with others.
High-value woman habit number four is femininity, and I wanted to put this next because a lot of people get confused about this. You know, I preach a lot about self-love and being an independent woman, prioritizing yourself, looking after yourself, staying detached from everybody else. But I also say in dating, allow yourself to receive and allow yourself to be taken care of by the man because that is their job. You can be in your feminine energy and allow yourself to receive affection, care, and love from others without being dependent. It's not that hard. And I'm gonna use myself as an example. Okay, I went on my self-love journey. I quit dating. I focused on myself, my career, prioritizing myself, giving everything I needed back to myself. I was the sole person in charge of my life. I wasn't dependent on anybody. Then I started dating, and now I'm in a relationship. My boyfriend fully takes care of me. My boyfriend regularly provides for me. He knows and I know that I can do it all myself. He knows that I can afford to get whatever I want myself. He knows that I'm capable of planning one of the dates, but he does it anyway. Not because I'm leaning on him, not because I'm like, "Please protect me, take care of me, I'm so vulnerable, I need it." No, just because he's in his masculine energy and so that he can nurture me in my feminine energy. In the process of being treated like that and being in this relationship, I haven't stopped solo dating. I still take myself out. I'm still on my self-love journey. That's never gonna end. I still read self-help books. I'm still trying to level up as an individual. I still take time away from spending time with my boyfriend because I am my own person, and I'm never going to be dependent on anybody. But just because I know how to be independent doesn't mean I have to take control of every single situation and I can't allow anyone to do anything for me. Who is that helping? Sometimes handing over the reins to somebody else so that you can be cared for is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. It does not make you weak or codependent, so let's just get rid of that narrative.
And finally, high-value woman trait number five is self-worth, care, and love. A high-value woman knows how to be independent. She chases her dreams, she chases her goals, she works tirelessly to be the best version of herself.
Hard, but she's also a very well-rounded, balanced individual. This goes back to what I said at the beginning of the article: you are balancing the growth of your physical, spiritual, and emotional self. You have to balance all of it. You can't associate the idea of being a high-value woman with making a lot of money, becoming rich, and buying designer handbags. Yes, that's great, but are you taking care of yourself? Are you journaling your emotions so you can process them and heal? Or are you trying to act stronger than you are, suppressing your emotions, and acting like things don't hurt you?
It's okay to cry and be heartbroken by a boy, but it's not okay to let it control your life. It's not okay to push those emotions down and prioritize superficial things like belongings, money, status, and wealth. All those emotional problems you've pushed far, far away will come back and bite you later. A high-value woman doesn't attach her worth to her success and wealth. It's important to her, but it doesn't define her. That's why she prioritizes and makes time for self-love and self-care. At the end of the day, the most important thing is your self-perception. Once you have mastered that and built a strong foundation of self, nothing can get to you. No one can walk all over you, manipulate you, take advantage of you, or play you ever again. You become unplayable. Once you level up your confidence, you approach situations differently. More opportunities come to you because of the energy you're radiating and the high vibrational frequency you are operating at.
Think of her lifestyle as hustle culture mixed with a soft girl life.
Chapter 3: Low-Value Women Traits, Examples, and How to Heal
This is all about embodying low-value woman energy. Notice I said embodying; I'm not saying you are a low-value woman, but I am saying you can do better for yourself and your life.
Trait number one is spending too much emotional and mental energy on another person: "He didn't text me back; this person said that to me; I can't believe that person didn't show up for this." You cannot control other people; you can only control your response to other people. When you don't have control of your thoughts and emotions, you will drive yourself insane and never master detachment, which we know is the key to peace. Peace is all the way up here on the high vibrational emotional frequency. When you engage in talks like those, you are literally obsessing over another person instead of yourself. You are spending the limited time you have on this planet worrying about a person who, at the end of the day, is never going to fully understand you because they don't know you fully. They don't know your journey, your traumas, your secrets. The only person that fully knows you on this planet is you.
So, not only are you committing time to a person that doesn't even understand you, but you are also obsessing over a person who's already done you dirty. This is such a low-value habit because people are so obsessed with shifting blame onto other people, fetishizing their own sadness, or feeling more comfortable being angry, shouting, arguing, gossiping, and calling up their friends to say, "Oh my God, you'll never guess what they did to me." Hang up the phone, pick up a journal, write everything down, all the mean things you want to write, and get it all off your chest. I promise you, you will feel ten times lighter afterward. I say that from experience because that's what I do every single time somebody gets on my last nerve. People hurt us, they let us down, they disappoint us, they break our hearts; that is inevitable. But you now have to control how you are going to deal with that. You can either choose to let that adversity take you higher in life or keep you stagnant. Process the emotions, take the lesson away from it, and then move on with your life. Pick up a new hobby, get a new job, go hug your family members, do something productive with your time, which is not obsessing and thinking about a person who clearly doesn't even care about you that much. Do you think they're obsessing over you? If the answer to that is no, then stop.
Low-value trait number two is seeking external validation. You will constantly put your self-worth into the hands of others, into something outside of yourself. You are literally giving other people control over your life, your self-perception, and therefore your happiness. This means you're never going to trust yourself. If you can't trust yourself, how is your relationship with yourself going to flourish in life? You're not going to be able to because you don't even like yourself without having reassurance from someone else that it's okay to like yourself.
Low-value trait number three: you engage in drama and gossip. I am sick of this; this is my biggest pet peeve. I see it on the internet on a daily basis. A prime example is what just happened with the Haley Bieber and Selena Gomez drama. I'm sorry, but what the hell was that even about? Eyebrows? Really? At the end of the day, even if Haley Bieber is a mean girl, had all the malicious intent in the world, and is downright out to get Selena Gomez, I do not care. You know why? Because it does not affect me. I do not know these people in real life, and it's got nothing to do with me. So, I'm going to be all the way over here in the UK, minding my own business, and focusing on my own life and things that I can actually control.
The next low-value trait is being jealous: jealous that my boyfriend has female friends, jealous of that other girl, jealous that a person is succeeding more than me, and that "should be me." Everyone has their own timeline, their own journey, and most importantly, their own unique strengths and skill sets. That person might have something you don't have, but you have a whole bunch of stuff that they don't have. Do you see them stopping in the street and comparing themselves to you? No. They are focusing on what they have, what they can control, and then going as far in life as they can. You aren't. You are literally self-sabotaging because once again, you are obsessing over other people and things you cannot control. Jealousy stems from insecurity and a lack of confidence. It all goes back to self-love and self-worth and destroying your need for external validation.
For this, I really want to use the example of your boyfriend having female friends. Even though that's my partner, someone I'm in love with, they are also their own individual. I don't get to control who they're friends with or who is in their life. Most importantly, if he's going to cheat on me or find another woman desirable, that's fine. I'm going to give him the space to do that. I'm not going to put obstacles in his way and try to prevent him from doing that because if he's going to do it, he's going to do it. To be honest, I'd rather find out sooner rather than later. This links into being a high-value woman in dating, which we're going to talk about later. It's literally about letting your other half be themselves. You've chosen to be with them for a reason. You can't now be in a relationship with them and change who they are and who they hang out with. You shouldn't be jealous of other girls because you think they're prettier than you or have something that you don't have. Your partner chose to be with you for a reason. Why can't you also have that same level of belief in yourself? Someone else's beauty is not the absence of your own. Someone else's strength does not make you weak. The way to combat jealousy is to go from a lack mindset to an abundance mindset because that's all it is.
The last low-value trait is manipulation: being passive-aggressive, trying to gaslight someone, not communicating your needs clearly, being two-faced, trying to get people to perceive you in a certain way, manipulating your image, how you come across, strategically hiding parts of yourself, and not being authentic. First of all, you're not owning yourself, which means you're not being confident. Second of all, when you do things like being passive-aggressive or trying to manipulate people, you are not operating in a place of kindness and compassion, which is ultimately the most desirable and attractive trait to have. When you are strategic and manipulate in an effort to control somebody else's actions or feelings towards you, you're not even acting like a low-value woman; you're being a toxic woman. No matter what the situation is, the high-value woman would have set her boundary, communicated her needs clearly once, then observed that person and given them one chance to respect that boundary and show up for her. If they don't, she leaves. She does not stay with people who continue to disrespect her, which then leads her to think she needs to manipulate the person and the situation for it to serve her. No, she is fine on her own.
Chapter 4: The High-Value Woman Lifestyle with Herself, Her Friends, Her Work, and Her Relationships
Let's start with life. What does a high-value woman's routine look like? I feel like this would be the best example to illustrate how you can take these practices into your daily routines.
First things first: she wakes up early. The early bird catches the worm. She's got things to do on her to-do list. She doesn't have time to be lying in bed until midday or scrolling on her phone for hours. She gets up, goes to the gym, and gets a workout in because she knows moving her body will make her feel her best, look her best, and improve her mental health. She comes home, does her skincare, showers, gets ready for the day
, makes a to-do list, and knows what needs to be done. She always makes time for her morning routine. She doesn't make time for everyone else but herself. When she doesn't have time, she doesn't scroll on social media; instead, she gets up and does what she needs to do.
For work, she sets goals, breaks them down into tasks, and prioritizes them. She works with discipline and focus, knowing when to take breaks. She maintains a work-life balance, making time for hobbies and self-care. She continues learning and improving her skills, always looking for opportunities to grow.
In friendships, she surrounds herself with people who uplift and support her. She communicates openly and honestly, setting boundaries and respecting others'. She doesn't engage in drama or gossip, focusing instead on building meaningful connections. She supports her friends' growth and celebrates their successes, knowing that their achievements don't diminish her own.
In romantic relationships, she chooses a partner who respects and values her. She communicates her needs and boundaries clearly, and expects the same in return. She doesn't tolerate disrespect or manipulation, knowing her worth and not settling for less. She nurtures the relationship, but also maintains her independence and self-love, knowing that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and support.
In conclusion, becoming a high-value woman is about balance, self-love, and continuous growth. It's about setting and respecting boundaries, maintaining healthy relationships, and always striving to be the best version of yourself. It's not about perfection, but about progress and self-awareness. Keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly, keep loving yourself.
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